Emote Mode

i've been sooooo overly emotional lately....i even cry when i watch those damn cheesy tagalog movies for crying out loud! i've been in touch with my friends abroad and i got a message on friendster from my sister...i dont know if those are factors that's making me emotional. (plus i've been watching Oprah episodes that are real tearjerkers).

i'm also starting to feel the pang of missing my parents and siblings again. come to think of it...i havent seen my family for a whole year now. just when i think im getting used to living alone, loneliness creeps in and finds this hole in my heart and it makes a home there. it then decides it wants to grow roots and stay for awhile...sigh.....that damn petition better get processed soon coz i dont know how much more loneliness i can take.

dont you think its funny or rather ironic that when you lose what you have that's when you start to feel it's importance? i know it's a cliche but it's true in my case. i used to say "i cant wait to see, feel and experience what it's like to live alone!". it was fun at first but then if your like me and you're used to having your family with you, the fun will only last for a couple of months...maybe longer but eventually the fun ceases and you start to miss what's really important.

i would pack up and leave right now if that's only possible. to make matters worse, the holidays are coming in again. this is the second time that i'm gonna spend christmas and new year's alone...well not really alone coz im gonna be at work but alone as in not being with my family.

it also doesnt help much that the guy in your life who should be the source of your strength and the one that looks after you) is not doing his job description that well. i'm not a high maintenance girl for chrissake.....i have reasonable expectations......now my question is - why is it so hard for this guy to do his part and take care of me???? i take care of him....shit im like a surrogate mother almost. it just disappoints me sometimes that i dont get anything in return for what i give. dont get me wrong...im not expecting for a payoff but what i know of a relationship is it should be give and take (not unless things have changed and i'm living in a different world). if he is trying his best to do his "give" part then he's best aint good enough...i say he should do better....there's ALWAYS room for improvement.

im emotional and i dont like it.....being emotional gets me down unlike no other.....but then again this might either be stress or PMS......or the chocolates that i ate that gave me sugar rush that's now turning into a sugar slump......